SGRoA: Vampire Diaries, s2 e15: The Dinner Party

I have… nothing to say about the last few weeks, because I’m in a good mood, and I’d rather not. So let’s get started!

Elena is reading one of OG John Gilbert’s diaries that she found in the lakehouse. He talks about how the “scourge of the vampires” was over with - or so they thought! And then, of course, it’s Flashback Time!

John and a woman and another guy are having dinner when there’s a noise outside. Other Guy goes to check it out, and the woman - Honoria - is still worried, so John goes. They both assure her there are no more vampires, and then - well, obviously, everyone gets attacked by a vampire.

Who, it turns out, was Stefan. Uh-oh. Are we going to have to deal with a bunch of faint-hearted nonsense from Elena now? “Oh no, Stefan really is a killer, just like he told me! Can I be with him? But how can I be without him?” (You should imagine me saying this in the most affected, stupid, ridiculous soap-opera actress voice you can imagine, whilst I hold the back of my hand to my forehead and chew scenery.)

Y’all know I hate this shit. HE IS A VAMPIRE. VAMPIRES KILL. I understand if you don’t want to be with a killer, that’s fine, that’s probably a better idea than any my characters have had. But you can’t both be with a vampire and not be with a killer, so, like, loosen up those morals, babe.

Nicole Scherzinger just played Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard on Broadway! Things I would not have known without a google search, and also, things that seem… odd? Like, isn’t she only barely in her 40s? Is … is that how old Norma Desmond is supposed to be? Because I thought it was 60s at least. I’ve been giving Hollywood too much grace again, haven’t I. Oh, well.

Anyway, back to less interesting people….

Stefan’s skipping stones off the dock, dressed for all the world like this is Toronto in 2023 and you’re helping La’an Noonien Singh.

It might legitimately be the exact same outfit, I’m not kidding. Men’s fashion is so boring, blech.

Damon calls him to tell him Tyler ran away from Mystic Falls, so they don’t have to worry about wolves anymore, and can focus all their energy on killing Elijah and the other Originals.

Jenna and Elijah are wandering around, talking about history. Elijah says the Fells (of Logan fame, see season 1) didn’t actually found the town; it was founded some 200 years earlier than reported, by Salem witches, apparently. Because the only people in this town who are shielded from its being almost solely magical creatures are the women in charge - Jenna, Carol Lockwood. Founders. Carol’s still the damn mayor! But let’s not worry their pretty heads with anything they might need to know. It might give them wrinkles.

So the Founders didn’t actually Found anything in 1860, and what a weird time to found a new town, dang. I mean, I guess if I had plans last year to found something this year, I’d still go ahead, but… It’s like what-is-it, A1 sauce? that was started as a company in the middle of the Civil War? Mystic Falls and A1, never letting politics stop them. What a pedigree!

yes, yes, how dare I malign the Founders. noted!

Ric shows up to tag along, as a “history buff”. I honestly doubt Elijah wants to be some sort of killer weirdo, like every other vamp they’ve met, but I can see why Ric would worry. Jenna goes to get something in the car, and Elijah tells Ric that he knows they are both protected per Elena’s request, and that Ric need not be jealous of him - “I rarely pursue younger women.” The rare vamp who doesn’t have to deal with an age-gap relationship.

Bonnie’s eating lunch (?) at The Grill, and Jeremy shows up to keep her company. She says she’s thinking about “last night” (omg, an actual time marker? I shouldn’t get so excited, it probably has nothing to do with anything.) and Jeremy smiles, because so is he - and then Bonnie’s talking about the spell, not whatever happened between them that I don’t remember. They make plans to hang out again tonight, to “practice spells”, though I doubt that’s what’ll happen. I’m rooting for these kids, gotta say.

Too bad Luka shows up to confront them about the spell. He can’t remember anything about last night, and Bonnie very smoothly lies that everything seemed normal to her. She brought him coffee, they played pool, everyone went home. Luka says she’s lying, and Jeremy escorts him out.

Stefan’s still mad that Elena is okay with sacrificing herself and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Oh, sorry, fell asleep for a minute, was unbelievably bored. Elena hands him the journal and Stefan has to justify his killing of the Founders who tried to kill him. More Flashback Time, and honestly, I DO NOT CARE. It’s more male vampire nonsense, and now we’re recreating the scene in Interview where Lestat puts a woman in her coffin and then kills her while Louis (in this case Damon, for some reason) looks on in horror.

Be a killer. Don’t. I don’t much care what the choice is, but spare me this nonsense. You’re vampires. Deal with it.

Ric meets Damon and his reporter girlfriend to debrief about Elijah, but of course, he didn’t learn anything. Damon and GF say he sounds jealous, and he insists he’s not, but then Jenna and Elijah come in so they can make another joke about it. Ric says he has papers to grade, and GF says they should have a dinner party so they won’t have to stop socializing so soon! Ric and Elijah look uncomfortable, but Jenna’s in, so everyone is. After all, you can’t have a VD episode without a Big Community Event - even if it’s just a Small Community Dinner Party.

Damon goes to update Katharine on the goings-on in town: Elijah’s still here, Uncle John is here, the “good guys” are going to try to kill Elijah. But Elijah has compelled her to stay in the tomb: if he dies, she’ll never be free of the compulsion. She tries to get Damon to let her out, and she’ll help him, but he can’t do it while she’s still compelled! He refuses - good job, Damon! - and says that she’s just confirmed that it is possible to kill an Original - which he will do tonight. Hmmm. My counter says you’ve got at least 8 more episodes, so….

Back to Stefan and Elena at the lakehouzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - WAIT, THEY MENTION THE WAR?

Stefan goes to eat soldiers, obviously, but, like, I assumed that Mystic Falls was so far from everything and had zero resources this whole time, because they’ve been able to spend the last four years not only founding a town and having parties and balls and dinners AND dealing with vampires AND completely ignoring the Civil Fucking War. I can’t believe we’ve acknowledged it again after realizing with a quickness that Damon should absolutely NOT be a Confederate if you want people to like him ever.

Maybe I should start a War Counter? Probably not. Can’t imagine we’ll see more of it.

He met Lexie, the dead bestie, on the battlefield. She’d heard Mystic Falls was a good place for vamps, but hadn’t heard about the crypt fire and all. Her face looks like she knows what cell phones are, but I’m pretty sure it’s her modern hair and makeup. At least the hair is up and the titties are in though.

Reporter Girl and Jenna are setting up for the dinner party, and RG (I swear I’ll figure out her name at some point) asks what’s up with Jenna and Ric. Jenna says she feels like Ric is hiding something, and then she has to deal with Uncle John being a dick about him, too. Girl, you have no idea.

Ric and Damon are having drinks before dinner, because man hands are too delicate to put china on a table? I guess? Why do Damon and Stefan not have servants? Do they clean their own bathrooms? I’ve never thought of a vampire having to vacuum, it seems ridiculous, doesn’t it? Do they not have to vacuum because they don’t shed so much skin? Huh. Never thought of that one.

Anyway, they’re drinking while women are working, as usual, and going over the plan for the evening. Well, except that Damon doesn’t tell Ric he’s definitely planning to kill Elijah, and Ric makes him swear he won’t do anything to endanger Jenna.

Girlfriend comes in and Ric goes out, and Damon tells her that to get Elijah where he wants him, she should encourage the gentlemen to have drinks in the study while she and the girls have coffee in the dining room. She says that’s too sexist for her. I mean, yes, I agree, but - then make Damon set the table.

Uncle John shows up, though no one invited him, and no one is happy to see him. This is gonna be a great party.

Switching gears for, like, 2 minutes, Bonnie goes over to Jeremy’s, where he’s set up a bunch of candles for a romantic evening. Bonnie says she has to make sure Elena is okay with their relationship before it goes further than a kiss. Jer’s a little put off by that, but Bonn reminds him that Elena is her best friend, and she wants her approval. Jer concedes that that would be a good thing, and reorients the evening toward pizza and spells.

we’re halfway through!

Elijah shows up to the party, but before he goes in, he tells Damon that if Damon has anything planned but a lovely evening, Elijah will kill him and everyone in the house, deal with Elena or no deal. Damon lies that he plans nothing, and the evening begins!

THE GIRLFRIEND’S NAME IS ANDIE. Andie. Andie. Okay, I will absolutely forget before next week, but hey, we’ve got it for now!

Jenna brings up the founding of Mystic Falls by witches, and Elijah says something about how witches were burned at Salem? at Mystic Falls? Unclear, but there were zero witch burnings in North America ever. There were actually very few witch burnings at all, in fact: burning was saved for people who were much, much bigger deals than the local wise woman or weirdo who lived on the edge of town.

Damon assumes that Elijah is looking for the sites of the burnings? and Elijah says it’s just historian’s curiosity, that’s all.

OG John Gilbert researched the Originalzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz No, actually, Elena says that John got “crazier and crazier” and “that’s what happens when you’re obsessed with vampires” and may I say, Not at all! I have a nice social life, a partner, a kiddo who’s turned into a lovely young adult. I write novels and buy groceries and have movie nights on Fridays! My vampire obsession has, if anything, truly enhanced my life. Thanks, vampires!

Oh, and, it comes out that a human has to wield the dagger to kill an Original - Uncle John is trying to get Damon killed.

Ah, Elijah needs to find the site of the witch massacre in order to do whatever with the spell. (As Damon says, “along with the moonstone, the Doppleganger, the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe”). Ric interrupts Elijah and Damon to tell Damon not to use the dagger, with the excuse of dessert. Andie is turning the evening into an interview with Elijah; everyone else is making weird veiled threats, and then Ric comes through with the dagger and the stabbing and we still have 15 minutes?!

He even turns to Damon and says, “Now get rid of him before Jenna’s done making dessert.” Damn, Ric! In the running for my new favorite, I have to say.

Stefan and Elena fight some morezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Flashback Time with Lexie, lecturing Stefan about being more human with her “I know what selfies are” fake lashes. Somehow this lesson will help Elena not have to sacrifice herself for the good of others?

Damon and Ric move Elijah’s body to the cell in the basement, and someone calls Stefan so he can tell Elena, who reads from the journal that they have to leave the dagger in place. Which they didn’t. So Elijah is walking into Doc Martin’s house to tell him to find Elena immediately.

Bonnie channels power through Jeremy and it’s all very sexy until Doc Martin comes in to threaten Bonnie and then do some spell on her that he says is for her own good: taking her power.

Elijah shows up to the lakehouse. Elena says she wants to renegotiate the deal, and Elijah says she has nothing to bargain with. Oh no? She’ll kill herself, Stefan will heal her, and she’ll do it again and become a vampire. Elijah will leave her people alone.

Elijah calls her bluff. She stabs herself in the abdomen and Elijah panics. He says she can have her deal, just let him heal her! She makes him promise, then falls into his arms - and stabs him with the dagger!

Damon had brought it up before Elijah could find them, and they do not remove the knife this time.

Jenna confronts Ric about his honesty, or lack thereof. I think he should spill it, but he doesn’t, for whatever reasons. Jenna stalks off, and Uncle John offers to clear everything up if Ric just gives him the ring. Ric does - but makes it clear that he wants nothing from John. John’s going to need that ring far more than Ric will, after what John tried to set up for Damon.

Elena and the boys take Elijah back to the cell, and she tells them that they can’t keep secrets from her anymore. Look at this fucking debacle! If they want her to fight, she will - but she’s in charge.

There’s one last Flashback Time to Damon and Lexi, and Lexi is some sort of badly-dressed time traveler? The skirt is 1880s, the bodice is modern, the bolero jacket is an abomination, and the hoop is a joke. She says something to Damon about helping Stefan or something, I don’t care, it’s more emotional nonsense. Get back to politics and plots!

And do we ever. Damon goes up to his room and hears the shower running. He thought Andie left - and she has.

Katharine is in his shower. She lied about the compulsion, but not about wanting to help. She’s sticking around.

Welp, that’s a hell of an episode! So! Much! Happening!!!!!!! Can’t wait for next week - care to bet on what the next Big Community Event will be? My guess is back to school, since they haven’t been for like the whole season, but maybe this is just a summer season. After all, it is Mystic Falls - the town where time means nothing.

See y’all next week!