SGRoA: Vampire Diaries, S2 E7: Masquerade

Say what you will about Andrew Lloyd Weber - and be advised I am a stan, so, y’know - but I can guarantee I’d rather watch this 5 times in a row than the 40 minutes of nonsense VD is about to make of the idea. But I am looking forward to being a bitch about everyone’s outfits, so let’s get started!

We start with Caroline at the Salvatores’, telling us a story about seeing Katharine at The Grill. Caro had stopped in to semi-stalk Matt, and she ran into “Elena” in the ladies’ room, but it’s so obviously not Elena. Big hair! Titties out! That’s Katharine!

Katharine wants Caro to deliver a message: She wants the moonstone, or she’ll kill everyone. Caro dutifully delivers it to Damon and Stefan, and Damon is convinced Katharine’s on her back foot, but Stefan warns not to underestimate her. She wants the moonstone delivered at tonight’s masquerade ball, NOT because this is a teen soap opera and everything important to teenagers happens at parties and dances, but because she wants to do it in public so they… don’t kill her? Meh. I guess.

Damon says he’s going to kill her, and Stefan says he won’t - because Stefan wants to.

Opening sting!

Jenna’s home from the hospital, surrounded by Matt, Jeremy, and Elena (small hair, titties in!). Ric had somewhere important to be?

Jenna’s convinced she “walked into a knife” in a freak accident, so there’s that. Jeremy asks Elena what they’re going to do about Katharine, and Elena says nothing. She broke up with Stefan, Katharine has what she wants, that’s the end of it. Jeremy says she’s being naive, and obviously she is, but again, NO ONE TELLS JENNA.

Katharine’s picked up another Black witch to replace Emily, presumably since Bonnie isn’t rushing to her aid. Why they have to be Black, I do not know, but we could go back to setting half this show in 1864 Virginia and see where that gets us. (Yes, I’m saying it’s all just weirdly racist. No, I don’t have any theories as to why. It’s American?)

Jeremy and Bonnie are at the Salvatores’ to plan to kill Katharine. There’s weapons, there’s Ric, there’s Emily’s grimoire.

Katharine and her witch (no name has been mentioned yet, add another point in the racism column) are getting ready for the ball, and Katharine is straightening her hair to look like Elena.

Told ya. Big hair, titties out=Katharine. She says something about Elena being dull as dishwater with bad taste, and the witch says, “Except in men.”

“Men”. Stefan was what, 16? 17? I assume these people have no idea how the Civil War even worked, and they assumed you couldn’t join either side till 18, which is why Damon was a Confederate for half a minute (slightly over 18), and Stefan wasn’t (under 18). I know, it’s a lot of assumption, but, like, you’ve seen what this writers’ room is doing. Do you think they did any research at all? Not likely, right?

So if someone, somewhere, would please explain to me why this woman is such a gross-ass pedo, I would LOVE to know. Let me tell you, I’m 46, I think a 30-year-old is too young for me. We’d have nothing to talk about! They were babies when TNG first aired! How in the fuck do you get over 100, over 200 even, and think a 16-year-old looks mighty fine? What is that thought process? Is it because she’s “evil”?

The more her only goal is “getting Stefan”, the more I’m going to be insufferable about it. THIS IS GROSS. It’s absolutely also a problem the other way, with Elena and Stefan, but I think most people can see that one? And also we can make an argument about “well, Stefan was only a teen when he changed, maybe he’s a little stuck there, it doesn’t look wildly inappropriate from the outside” blah blah blah, but it’s still gross on that end, too. But since their goals aren’t “for love”, and since Stefan does act appropriately with Elena, I have less to rant about. Katharine’s pedophilia just doesn’t make any damn sense to me, from any angle. Unless she wants to mother him. That would come closer to being appropriate.

The witch’s name is Lucy! She figures out that Katharine wants her to break the curse with the moonstone, and Katharine looks… chagrined? when she says that. Katharine says they have to get it first, and Lucy’s just here for backup.

Bonnie tells Stefan that he shouldn’t be with Elena, it’s too dangerous, it shouldn’t ever happen, so why should she help him? He says he’s going after Katharine for more than that. Like all that sexual assault she perpetrated on him when he was too young to meaningfully consent?

Obviously not, this is not that kind of drama. No, it’s because Katharine “crossed a line” with Jenna.

good thing!

I mean, if it gets Bonnie on board, sure. It was terrible what happened to Jenna. Obviously. But Stefan. Stefan. S t e f a n:

IF YOU TELL JENNA ABOUT VAMPIRES, SHE WILL NOT BE FOOLED BY THEM AS OFTEN.

Gonna make a “Justice for Jenna” VD shirt, see if I don’t hop on fuckin’ Canva or Zazzle or whatever after this. JUSTICE FOR JENNA!

Bonnie offers a spell to trap Katharine, like the tomb spell. Stefan asks her please, and she agrees to work on it.

Matt is leaving Elena’s, and Elena says he should stay: Ric’s coming over, they’re going to have a movie night, and it’s been a while since they’ve hung out. He says he can’t: he’s going to the ball, because there’s something he has to do there. Elena asks what that is, and he says he can’t talk about it, but he has to go. He tells her that she and Stefan will work out, and they hug. It feels like a goodbye. I really hope Tyler doesn’t kill him.

We go to commercial on the Katharine-Killing team affirming they’re committed: Damon, Stefan, Jeremy, Caroline, and Bonnie. They have to keep Tyler from killing anyone, so there won’t be any werewolves, and they have to stake Katharine.

The ball has some sort of circus theme - jugglers and tumblers and shit like that. Tyler and Carol are inside. Tyler has reservations; Carol hasn’t heard from Mason, and says they probably never will again. Tyler thinks they should have cancelled, but Carol gives him a nice pep talk about his dad being proud of him or something. So… does she also not know about shit?! WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS TOWN?!

Like. Come ON. I understand you don’t tell every Tom, Dick, and Harry about how your town has been overrun by vampires and werewolves several times in its history. BUT THE WIFE OF THE MAYOR, WHO WAS ACTING MAYOR FOR A WHILE?! Who maybe still is acting mayor? I have no idea how time works in this show! She’s probably still in charge in season 8!

Matt sees “Elena” at the ball, and Katharine says he’s so hot in a suit, she’d like to take him upstairs and…

He reiterates that he’s going to egg Tyler into violence until Tyler kills him. Katharine reiterates that he’s hot.

As with most parties, it’s little scenes all stacked up: Damon and Stefan arguing about who is least likely to hesitate to kill Katharine. Matt drinking with Tyler, stealing liquor from the private areas of the house. Jeremy and Bonnie finding an upstairs room to set up the spellcasting and the weapons.

Jeremy asks if she can do everything in the grimoire. She says she’s tried small spells, that only do good, but she doesn’t want to know too much. Things end badly for witches. (Even though her gram, whom she uses as an example, died at a relatively advanced age, and didn’t seem to resent her duty.)

Elena figures out she’s being kept out of the loop and harasses Ric about it. He tells her to let it go, and just trust him. Stay in the house.

Bonnie and Jer return to the party, and Bonnie knows there’s something up. She walks right up to Lucy and touches her shoulder. She asks if they know each other; Lucy says she’s a plus-one, she doesn’t know anybody here, and walks away. Bonnie doesn’t tell Jeremy if she had a vision.

Katharine threatens to kill someone if Stefan doesn’t dance with her, so he does, so she can posture on the dancefloor. She’s a boring villain, even when she kills that demon from The Good Place right there on the dance floor. This death has no narrative weight; there will be no consequences. Amy was no Vicki.

Carl - excuse me, Elena - doesn’t stay in the house.

Stefan wants to call the plan off because of Amy’s death. He’s probably right, but I can see why everyone is underestimating Katharine. She’s barely menacing. She’s killed one person, who was wildly ancillary. The only way we know she’s smart or a good planner is from people telling each other that - and the writers coming up with a convoluted way to get her out of trouble. Come on, you don’t think they knew in S1 that she wasn’t in the tomb, right? Not till it made a more compelling narrative.

Of course, this is the main difference between plot-driven and character-driven. In the latter, it’s the people’s choices that make the plot go. In Vampire Diaries, the plot makes the people go.

Damon texts everyone: NOW.

Lucy’s mad there’s another witch involved. No one was supposed to know she was here. Now that’s interesting: do the witches all talk? Are they not supposed to work with other creatures? All creatures? Just vampires? This idea will probably never come up again.

Jeremy pulls Katharine away. He tells her to meet the Salvatores down by the lake. She postures, but then heads that way. Jeremy goes back to the party, but is grabbed by Elena, who wants to know what’s going on.

Caro stares longingly at Matt, dancing with someone else. Jeremy texts her it’s her turn. She tells Katharine the plan, which I assume is the plan, and plays up the crying and stress and drama-queen energy she was known for, and lures Katharine into the room Bonnie spelled to trap her in - with Stefan. And a stake.

Jeremy and Bonnie are downstairs with Elena, telling her the plan.

Stefan holds Katharine’s attention. She says he won’t be able to kill her. He agrees, but posits that Damon will.

Damon shoots her with a stake-gun.

He hits her heart.

Elena buckles.

Katharine and Elena are bleeding.

Bonnie figures out they’re linked when Stefan scratches Katharine with another stake, and another wound opens on Elena. She sends Jeremy to stop them, but honestly, Katharine’s doing a pretty good job holding her own. But it’s 2 against 1, of course, and Damon is ready to land the killing blow when Jeremy stops him.

This is what Lucy was called in for: to link Elena and Katharine. Stefan sends Jeremy back to Elena, and Katharine complains about not being the center of concern. Jeremy tells Bonnie that Katharine has a witch, and Bonnie runs inside to find Lucy. Jeremy gives Elena his ring, to keep her alive.

Katharine’s being a weird bitch about Stefan and Damon both liking Elena and they’re weird bitches about her fucking Mason and, like, y’all have fuckin’ nothing else to talk about?

Meanwhile, Matt is doing his best to piss Tyler off. He pours booze on the ground, then pours it on a pic of Tyler’s dad - “He looks like he wants a drink!” The other girl asks where Amy is. Matt starts slapping Tyler around, and Tyler refuses to fight. Other Girl makes a hasty exit just as Matt starts whaling on Tyler.

Caroline, out in the hall, can hear the fight and runs in to break it up. She knocks Matt out, and Other Girl comes back in, saying that “if Matt failed, I can’t.” She attacks Tyler with a letter opener, and he swings at her.

It hits.

She falls against the desk and breaks her neck.

Tyler is now a werewolf.

Aside from Katharine being Katharine, this episode is so action-packed! I thought nothing was going to happen again. Was it sweeps week? Did they still have sweeps week in 2010? Am I just dating myself by talking about “sweeps week”?

We are in the home stretch! Stefan has figured out why Katharine didn’t just keep the moonstone when she had it back in the day. She bargained it. She gave it to George Lockwood to get her out before everyone went into the tomb. But he can’t figure out why she wants it back - which is to break the curse on werewolves and have her very own one on-command, right? That’s what I’ve deduced.

But now he’s on to why she faked her death in 1864 in the first place, and 1. Because it’s easier, and 2. Because it’s easier? Have you never faked your death, Stefan? Never left all your shit to yourself under the guise of a nephew or a bastard or something? Once again, I have to ask: HOW HAVE YOU SURVIVED.

He’s convinced she was running from someone, but she’s not giving it up.

Lucy finds Bonnie and says she has no interest in fighting. Bonnie tells her to drop the spell. Lucy says to hand over the moonstone. Bonnie says no dice. Lucy says she’s obligated to Katharine. Bonnie grabs her, and Lucy starts … not compelling, but… cajoling? with magic? Yeah, that feels right. She’s all, “I’m a witch, too. You can trust me. Give me the moonstone. I know you have it. You can trust me.” That kind of shit. Magical cajoling.

Lucy comes up to the room where they’re holding Katharine, and she has the moonstone. She makes sure Katharine knows this means her debt is paid. Don’t call me again, bitch, in other words. Katharine agrees. Lucy hands over the stone….

… and it’s been ensorcelled. Katharine should have told her another witch was involved. And a Bennett witch, at that.

Katharine falls to the ground, unconscious. Lucy apologizes to the boys for her involvement with this, tells them that the bond between Elena and Katharine is severed, and leaves.

Caroline gets Carol and tells her that Other Girl was dancing, was drunk, and tripped and fell. It was horrible, but it was an accident. Matt’s in the car sleeping off his drunk; Caro tells Tyler she won’t involve Matt. Tyler asks wtf she’s doing, and she says she’s fixing this situation. Tyler says she doesn’t know what’s really going on, and she says she does. His wound (from the letter opener) has healed already, hasn’t it? She couldn’t know that if she didn’t know what he was.

Bonnie finds Lucy again. Bonn asks how she knew to trust Lucy, and Lucy says they’re family. Second or third cousins or whatever, but family. And meeting Bonnie let her know she doesn’t want to be involved with vampires anymore, doesn’t want anyone to control her life. Bonnie asks how to stay out of it, and Lucy says that Bonnie is a “good one”, and she needs to be in the middle of this.

Bonnie is crying when Jeremy comes by and offers her a ride home. She accepts; I think they’re setting these two up to date, probs.

And of course, Stefan has to tend to Elena, just telling her - and us - that Katharine is “gone”. We haven’t seen Katharine, btw, since she collapsed. Where has she “gone”, exactly? Why aren’t we demanding to see her corpse, or her ashes, or watch her die? Why are we just taking Stefan’s word for it?

Oh, because these goddamn morons DIDN’T KILL HER. They trapped her in the tomb.

Damon’s there to seal her up. She says that he needs her, that Elena’s in danger. Damon says she’s lying. Katharine says Elena’s the doppleganger, she can’t kill her, she needs to be protected. Damon says he’ll protect her, and seals the damn thing.

And of course, Elena goes to her car all by herself - where’s Stefan?! - and gets kidnapped by a Harlequin.

I hate that I’m so invested in this show, but WHY DIDN’T YOU KILL KATHARINE?!?!?!?!?!?! This is going to bite everyone in the ass - and frankly, maybe it was Katharine’s plan all along! She didn’t anticipate getting sealed in the tomb again, but come on, she absolutely would have had the writers pull another plan out of her ass, right? Right.

Join me next week, when hopefully I will not be as angry at everyone for lying down on the killing part of the job!