SGRoA: Vampire Diaries, S2 E8: Rose

I doubt very much that Stefan is going to sink into the ocean. Hope you all had a marvellous Halloween and are now shoving candy into your face whole-heartedly. Let’s get started!

We start with a black SUV pulling into a dirt lot next to another car. This is apparently a parking lot for… used trampoline frames?

Fr, what is happening here? It’s a graveyard for homemade trampolines and other pallet crafts? Perfect for prisoner exchanges, I guess, which is what I think is going to happen here, but let’s be surprised together!

Amazing! It is a prisoner drop! The Harlequin from last episode dumps Elena in the back of the SUV, and is killed by the Southern-drawling vampire driving.

Jeremy notices Elena’s bed hasn’t been slept in.

Caroline brings Damon up to speed on Matt and Tyler. They have a very refreshingly honest and normal conversation about how Liz is looking for Amy’s body (not found yet) and Caroline didn’t think Matt or Tyler needed to be involved in a murder investigation and how Tyler shouldn’t tell Carol about being a werewolf, because that leads straight to vampire town. (OK, but again, ACTING MAYOR?) Tyler also doesn’t seem to know much about werewolfing, and Caroline says she’ll ask him, but Damon tells her that a werewolf bite can kill vampires, so no, she should not be friends with Tyler and she should not be asking him what he knows about wolfery from Mason. Also, it will save Liz some time to know that Amy’s body is at the bottom of the ravine. Have fun at school!

Tyler, meanwhile, at school, walks by the corkboard full of missing persons notices. What’s that? Your school didn’t have a giant corkboard of missing persons posters? Well, mine didn’t, either, but this is Mystic Falls. They need everyone to know how many people go missing all the time, and never, ever get found. Just what teens love!

He’s also creeped out by the shrine to Sara, the girl who died, and pulls the lock out of his locker entirely. Tyler is… having a day, I think we can safely say. Poor Ty. Should have been nicer to Vicki.

Jeremy tells Stefan he’s glad he and Elena are back together, but she really shouldn’t be sleeping over. Stefan holds up: Elena was not at his place last night.

Her car is still at the Lockwoods’, so everyone needs to mobilize immediately.

Southern Drawl takes Elena to some abandoned, crumbling mansion. He unties her and goes to bite the wound on her arm, but he’s stopped by a woman - presumably also another vampire - with that weird-ass spiky bob everyone had for a couple years? You remember: Alice in Twilight?

that mishegas

She’s maybe an Aussie? She keeps telling Elena to be quiet, and then slaps her unconscious when she won’t be.

Stefan decides to fight with Damon about whether or not he actually shut Katharine in the tomb. Damon mentions that she did say something about protecting Elena, but of course, Katharine lies as easily as breathing, so why would Damon have thought anything of it? Stefan runs off to talk to Katharine.

Tyler corners Caroline to ask how she knows about him being a werewolf. She insists on answering like she only covered up the death for him, and that she knows nothing, and she goes off to class.

Oh, both these new vamps are Aussies? They’re not British, though that’s the accent they’re being asked to do. First of all, the one guy sounded Southern in the car, and now sounds - not British, but close. Aussie or South African, is what they sound like, but who knows.

Southern Drawl is asking Spikes if she “told Elijah” yet, and she answers that “they say he got it”. Oh, Trevor. Trevor says they don’t have to go through with it, but

OMG IT’S FUCKIN MAGGIE FROM WALKING DEAD.

Welp, that’s where I know her from.

But she’s sick of running. If Elijah accepts their deal, they’re done with running.

Elena is trying to sneak out during this, but of course she creaks the floorboards (and they already knew she was awake anyway, if they’re decent vampires) and gets Maggie’s attention. She says there’s nothing around here for miles (does that include the trampoline graveyard?!) and answers Elena’s question about Elijah: “He’s your worst nightmare.”

Stefan wants Bonnie to undo the tomb spell? Why? Damon could just talk to Katharine, all you have to do is shout through that door, duh. Oh, but yes, he can just talk to Katharine, Bonnie says. And then offers another way to find Elena - a tracking spell - so no one has to talk to Katharine. She’s close to Reidsville, North Carolina, just over the border. Stefan says it’s 300 miles, they need to be closer, but that’s all Bonnie can do. Stefan and Damon head to the rescue.

Tyler is… enjoying? his new powers, dunking basketballs and such. He makes a beeline for Caroline to get her to explain what’s going on, and when she puts him off, he tries to use a little force. She uses a little more back, and he’s shocked, and demands answers, but she refuses to give him any.

Stefan demands Damon talk about whether or not he loves Elena, and I don’t care. I’m with Damon. STFU.

Jeremy Google-Earthed the spot Bonnie found, and found there’s only one big house for miles, so he sent it to Stefan. Jer and Bonnie almost kiss, but Bonnie suddenly thinks of a way to get Elena a message - or at least to try.

Alaric has taken Jenna out for the evening so she won’t notice Elena is gone.

Bonnie keeps having nosebleeds after doing spells, and this message one is no different - but she also adds passing out this time.

Not-British Maggie (I assume she is the titular “Rose”, though no one has said her name yet) refuses to tell Elena anything. “I’m just a delivery service,” she says. To Elijah, yes, and he’s one of THEE vampires - The Originals. Haven’t the Salvatores been teaching Elena vampire history?

Do vampires even know their own history?! And if they did, would they tell Elena, or would they just keep playing teenagers? I mean, she and Stefan have to talk about how much they love each other and how they’re breaking up at least fortnightly; is there even time to teach vampire history?!?!?!?!?!?!

Anyway, Maggie and Trevor have been running for 500 years (doubtful), and they’re using Elena to barter for an end to hostilities because she’s a “Petrova doppleganger” and the key to repealing the vampire curse. Elena says it’s the moonstone, but no - the moonstone seals the spell. Sacrifice breaks it. Elena has to die.

Tyler confronts Caroline at home. He says she’s a werewolf and she laughs. He attacks her, so she bares her fangs. “I’m not a werewolf, okay?”

The Originals are “the first family” from “Europe”, and they’ve wanted Rose and Trevor dead for 500 years. And because this is television, we can’t just kill people. I don’t know why, but so much vampire fiction gets bogged down in never killing. Or only in killing people for “bad”, “wrong” reasons. Or killing the wrong people - extras, Amys, nobodies. 500 years? Come on, now. Grant Black had to rebuild his entire body before going on a killing spree and it only took him what, a couple years?

Katharine is “Katarina Petrova”, “the first Petrova doppleganger”. Trevor helped her “escape her fate”, and they’ve been on the run ever since. I know I’m using a lot of quotation marks, but this is explanation without fact or reason. Technically, they’re answering questions, but WTF is a “Petrova doppleganger” and how old is Katharine and WHY DOES SHE ONLY LIKE TEENAGE BOYS. (Sorry, she’s considerably older than I thought she was, so it got grosser. WAYYYYYYYYYY grosser.)

Apparently doing any spell is weakening Bonnie, because “witchcraft has its limits”, and yes, that’s true, but - I mean, I don’t get fatigued from running the cards or doing a quick prosperity spell or lighting a candle for safe travels or something. And yes, obviously I don’t have the same powers, real witches aren’t “magical” like that, but still. This seems like way too much to put on Bonnie, or any one witch in specific. How did Grams stay alive for so long?

Bonnie asks Jeremy not to tell people about this weakness, and he promises not to. She and Jeremy bond over feeling alone in all this, but guys - you could just TELL PEOPLE about it all, and voila, you’d have allies.

The message did get to Elena, though, so good for Bonnie!

Stefan and Damon discuss Stefan’s blood drinking, and he finally lets Damon in on the fact that he’s been microdosing Elena. Damon takes us down memory lane to a much more interesting-sounding Stefan, but of course, Stefan says he has something else to live for now. Blood isn’t everything.

Elijah has shown up at the mansion. Trevor is fuckin’ terrified, and again I have to ask how vampires WORK in this universe. Almost no lore has vamps getting less powerful as they go along, and none has vampires living this long while still being weak. Or weaker than other vamps, at least to a significant degree. Two vampires who are at least 500 should be sitting pretty when it comes to battling almost any other vampire, in my opinion. And in most vampire writers’ opinions, but of course, TV is so new, I guess they can’t be counted on to do even a basic perusal of the existing literature.

So Elijah shows up, and he and Rose talk, and a lot of nothing is said. (“Jesus be a Bond villain, what do you want?!”) (another reminder to read my books, you’ll get more jokes!) He has approval to pardon her and Trevor (from whom? he doesn’t say), and he seems pretty impressed by Elena’s existence.

Stefan and Damon pull up - well, not to the house, but close. Damon asks Stefan if he really wants to do this. No doubt the person who took Elena is involved in being after Katharine this whole time - at least from 1864, if not before then - and is probably at least 500 years old and powerful. But Stefan’s up for death, so they go in.

Trevor apologizes to Elijah but gets decapitated anyway. I saw that coming. Who wouldn’t?

Elena offers Elijah the moonstone, so he rips off her vervain amulet and compels the information out of her. He’s ready to head back to Mystic Falls to get it, but Damon and Stefan show up. They’re using a lot of stealth, which is a great plan, and Elena takes the vervain hand grenade Stefan made for the trip and explodes it in Elijah’s face, which does considerably less than anyone expected. No worries! Stefan’s got wooden bullets, and Elijah himself made a stake out of a coat tree that Damon uses to impale him.

And so mighty Elijah is… dead? Hmmm. I have doubts. Rose runs; Elena tells the boys to let her go.

It’s the last 10 minutes, so doubtful we’ll see Elijah again this episode. Elena makes it home to Bonnie and Jeremy without Jenna being the wiser. Stefan says that the only way he and Damon can protect Elena is if they aren’t fighting. Like y’all haven’t been fighting this whole time? Like, they say they fight a lot, but they don’t. They’re always coming together to defeat whoever, every time. But sure. They have to put away their differences for Elena.

Tyler and Caroline have an extremely normal conversation about vamps and wolves. And by “extremely normal” I mean, like, the actual kind of conversation teenagers might have if this actually happened to them. Tyler confesses he has absolutely no one to take into his confidence about this. He has no friends, no one to tell or lean on. Caroline hugs him; they’re probably setting this up to be a relationship, too, but I’m much more interested in that than anyone else.

Rose comes to see Stefan. She tells him she knew Lexi, and she has nowhere to go now that her bestie is dead. She tells Stefan that The Originals will come for Elena, to get her for Klaus, whoever that is.

Damon returns Elena’s vervain amulet. And he tells her he loves her, but I refuse to care. (He compels her to forget this part before he gives back the amulet.)

Oh, and in the final minute, Elijah is alive!!!!!! Didn’t even have to remove the stake before he looked all plump and alive again, either. Can I call ‘em, or can I call ‘em?

Come back next week for more answers without answers! More drama with no point! More snark because it’s always perimenopause season up in the Winters crib!